My father was still in the hospital and this was taking its toll on mum. It was the first time since they were married that they were apart. Seeing that I was alone too, I had invited her to join me for iftaar today. 

It was extending an olive branch as I had decided to ask her to stay over for a few days. The hospital was closer to my apartment, so she would accept the invitation willingly. I was also worried that if we didn’t get to talk soon we would never be able to mend the relationship. I really wanted to make her understand that my choice to be a Muslim was not a reflection of my upbringing or my parents.

At the same time, I wanted her to see me in my environment, at peace whilst I performed my daily prayers and followed the simple Shariah rules. I prayed so hard that she would at least accept that Muslims were not the backward, ignorant, terrorists that mainstream media constantly spouted.  

But, I was anxious too, what if she ridiculed me or compared religions, and I wasn’t as knowledgeable to answer some of the questions that may come up. As was usual, I prayed fervently for Allah to soften my mother’s heart and grant me the courage and ability to show her Islam’s serene beauty. 

I eventually gained enough confidence to ask her and when she accepted, I felt elated and anxious all at the same time. It was perfect timing as we had been notified that we’d be working from home after a few of the staff tested positive for the coronavirus.

Fatima’s smile and cheerful voice filled my head, “We plan and Allah plans and surely Allah is the best of planners!” Ya Rabb, You are certainly merciful.

Mum was a stickler for the perfect home — she basically had planners and to-do lists for everything. I, on the other hand, am the opposite! The closest I got my apartment to smell like freshly baked biscuits was when I bought a choc-chip scented candle from the local thrift store, my bedding never matched as I kept losing a pillowcase or two. I preferred to pull my abayas from the wash basket instead of ironing and hanging them as Mum did with her clothes. All the same, I was excited and looked forward to her stay.

A half-hour before she arrived I was zooming around the apartment with the vacuum when I realised it was time for the Asr prayer and then my daily online madrassa class. I looked around — I’ll get away with the bad vacuum, but I had to pray.

I headed to the bathroom to perform wudhu, but I found myself standing there at a total loss of what to do next! Dua for wudhu . . . What was it? Fatima where are you when I need you?! My notebook! Dashing to my room, to check for the dua in my book, I tripped over the vacuum and then my shoes before I got to it. My nerves were shot!

Having completed my salah, I realised I still had time to log on for my madrassa class. I wasn’t able to focus much and Mualimah soon sent me a message to ask if all was well with me. Embarrassed that my lack of attention was so visible, I apologised and explained to her about my mother’s visit and my fears.

With a gentle smile, she reminded me of the exact thing that Fatima would have said if she were around. “Allah is the best of planners, so leave it all to Him.”

Allah is Al Qah-Haaru, He is the only One who has control over everything. And on reminding myself that Allah was All-Powerful, I found a huge burden lifted off my shoulders because it is Allah who is in control, not me. Reminding myself who the real Master and Planner were, it became easy to accept life’s twists and turns, knowing full well that I was only here to please Him even when something displeases me. So, when things don’t go as planned, it is the perfect time to remind me that I am not in control, it is Allah who controls every breath of my life