As we discussed the funeral arrangements, it suddenly dawned on me that Dad had asked to be cremated upon his death. Mum and Mark were adamant that this was his request which we had to fulfil. It was devastating for me.

I found myself sitting with Umme, confiding my thoughts and feelings to her, hoping her wisdom would soothe my heartache. The funeral was arranged for this afternoon. Mark and Mum had returned home to tie up any loose ends. 

Having spent most of the time pleading with them to bury rather than cremate, I felt dejected. Dad’s ashes were to be returned to us in an urn after the funeral. My father had died alone, and even in death, we wouldn’t be able to touch him or say goodbye. 

Umme ran her fingers through my hair, comforting me as she explained that it was a test for me. “You should not force your beliefs onto your family, Sam. They’re still trying to learn and understand, and if you push too hard, you could lose the bridge you’ve built. 

But my anger wasn’t put out with her words of wisdom. I lay there for a while, enjoying the soft, gentle touch. I excused myself after a while and went to find Fatima as I needed to pour my frustrations out to my best friend, who placed her finger on my lips to silence me after listening for a while. “Your anger is not about your father, Sam.”, she said, looking at me with a soft smile. “You’re still angry with your mother and brother over the way they treated you when you came into the Deen. You need to tell them and get that out of your system before it poisons you.”

I knew then that she was right. I felt ashamed. 

“Sam, this test is a difficult one, and only you can understand the enormity of it. However, your Mum has lived with you; she has begun to realise how being Muslim has changed your life positively.” “You could be the one to bring that same change to her and maybe even your brother.”

She pulled me into a hug, and I felt so much better. Algamdoelillah has Allah given me that beautiful honour. How could I turn it down?

“Sam, after their defeat at Badr, the Makkans were overtaken with rage over their horrible loss. Two of their heroes, Umair ibn Wahab Al-Jumahi and Safwan ibn Umaiyah, agreed that the former would murder the Prophet (SAW). At the same time, the latter would discharge the former’s debts and support his family. 

Umair went to Madinah and met with the Prophet. Though he did not utter a word of his wicked intention, the Prophet (SAW) revealed to him his secret mission. Umair was taken by surprise and immediately took the shahadah. The Prophet was pleased and asked his Companions to teach Umair the principles of Islam, the Qur’an and release his son from captivity. “

“The moral here is that Allah alone chooses those He wants to grant Hidaayah too, in His time.” “Sam, you keep praying for Allah to guide your family and remain steadfast. Let Allah do what He does best.”

Fatima was right; I had to be patient. 

I walked over to my old home, the cold wind blowing against my face. I kept reminding myself that Allah is Al-Afuww, the Forgiver, and it is to Him, I need to turn when I feel conflicted.

Mum was sitting in the living room, alone. I realised that she was looking through old family pictures and had been crying. My heart went out to her then. My mother had lost a daughter and now her life partner. It dawned on me then that my mother wasn’t against me being Muslim, but she was mourning the loss of a child, her only daughter.

I embraced my mother and felt a surge of love toward her. In time, with Your mercy, Ya Allah . . . My silent dua for the salvation of my mother and brother. Sadly, I had not been able to help my father, but that was for Allah to decide.