Opinion, Umm Abdillah, Radio Islam Programming | 2015.04.25 | 5 Rajab 1436 AH

Long running “Grey’s Anatomy” shocked viewers this week when the medical drama killed off one of its most beloved characters, McDreamy himself, Dr. Derek Shepherd. umm Abdillah weighs in on why women especially are so gutted by his death, and despite the folly involved, drawn to the show. She also touches on our joint responsibility to educate and willfully create historical narratives which include more relatable Muslim men and (women).

This could more easily be a “Why TV is Haraam” article. That withstanding, there are points to be made for those who do choose to watch TV every day, every week – be it the news, or series, or motion pictures that colour (and brainwash) their lives with real and unreal images – drafted emotions – those who allow themselves to be crafted, often guilelessly, through a exercise in mind manipulation. Those who do to it escape, yet often end up trapped in such cultivated psychology.

Why are people driven to mourning over a TV character? Simply put – it’s convenient, and become a group activity. Books are harder, seen as individualistic and more time consuming. Islamic texts require a mindset change to be read with an equally open heart.

Why Women Love Grey’s

Unrealistic storylines aside, the drawcard for many is that the show aimed to create female characters who are powerful but occasionally vulnerable, who are capable professionals but still have a private life — which includes a quest for love, a family and a higher purpose. Demands of modern love? Pretty much. Further, the character who dies and his wife provided the platform for human resilience, enduring and choosing to be together against all odds.

The crux: tragedy and calamity withstanding – most women, despite their maturity or age choose to believe in that one love story. A flawed man, who despite numerous setbacks, is noble, courageous, hard working, puts his family first, a man who’s unafraid of fighting for you and telling you how he feels about you.

How much of it is real? Well nothing really. But there’s plenty to be said about the various types of love and purpose of marriage in the Islamic faith — and many examples of men with traits like “Derek” throughout Islamic history.

What about our Muslim men?

Relationship examples wherein there is sacrifice, perseverance, believing in a dream and hope bounce out of every page of Islamic history.

Throw away the trashy TV. Allah’s blessings, pleasure and peace be upon all His beloved servants and Prophets, here are but a few examples:

• Adam (as) roamed the earth for hundreds of years looking for Hawa (as). The Quran calls them garments to one another. They shielded and protected one another. They were each others ‘person’.
• Noah (as) held out for that one kid – he pleaded with him from a ship as apocalyptic waves crashed around them “I’m here, waiting for you, just give me your hand.” If ever an example in holding hope till the end.
• Ebrahim (as) went into a fire to prove a point to his father. If ever a man who walked fire to declare his convictions.
• Safoora (ra) chose a man who pitched up at her door after having murdered someone. He was broke. Her father harboured him as a fugitive and tenant and he had no family around. She saw the good in him. He became the greatest freedom fighter & liberator of Egypt. We was the Musa (as).

And if we want to get 1400 years closer for a few more examples — Umm Salama’s (ra) husband waited for her even after his family tried to tear them apart; Zainab (ra), the Prophet’s (saw) daughter gave up everything to be with Abul Aas (ra). Usman (ra) gave up a decisive war to nurse his wife back to health. Prior to that he’d crossed deserts to be with her. Mugheeth (ra) wandered around the city disoriented after Bareera broke up with him.

Our seerah brims with such examples. However, all epic romances in our Faith have and had a mutual love for Allah; His Deen; and an acceptance that our sacrifices for Him come above all else at their core.

After the last credits roll, the struggle is to keep our hearts pure enough to recognise the enduring love of Allah the Almighty. His tests, even in marriage, are to strengthen us. His challenges for the unmarried, are part of a much bigger picture. Ultimately, we have to play our part to recognise this. Then seek common ground as Muslim men and women (in piety and joint purpose) to willfully carve new ways of telling old stories. All these stories have someone with a love for Allah and a desire to obey Him as their protagonist. Will it be you?