By Sheikh Ali ibn Abdur-Rahman al-Huthaifi – 03 Jumaadal Ula 1437

His Eminence Sheikh Ali ibn Abdur-Rahman al-Huthaifi, may Allah preserve him, delivered the Friday khutbah entitled, “Matrimonial Rights and the Causes of Divorce,” in which he talked about marriage, stating that it is a solemn covenant and one of the strongest bonds in this life. He highlighted its multiple benefits for the husband, the wife, and the children, as well as for society as a whole. He referred to the most useful means for maintaining marriage and the main causes of divorce, shedding light on some of the rights of the husband and the wife with regard to each other. Finally, he urged Muslims, particularly the young married couples, not to take divorce too lightly and to consider its dire consequences.

Praise be to Allah, Praise be to Allah, Who has created all the pairs of that which the earth produces, of the human kind, and of that which people do not know. Allah, Might and Majesty be to Him, has enjoined righteousness and setting things right and has forbidden making mischief. He says: “… act in the Right Way (by ordering the people to obey Allah and to worship Him Alone) and follow not the way of the Mufsidun (mischief-makers).” (Al-A‘raf: 142)

Allah, Blessed and Exalted be He, has laid down laws so that those legally accountable may secure benefits and avert harm and evil. I praise my Lord and thank Him. I turn to Him in repentance and seek His forgiveness. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah alone, Who has no partners and Who does not stand in need of any of His creatures, and I bear witness that our prophet and master, Muhammad, is His servant and messenger, who was trustworthy and true to his promise. O Allah! Bestow Your prayers, peace, and blessings upon Your servant and messenger Muhammad and upon his family and all his Companions.

Now then,
Fear Allah in private and in public; for success in this life and after death comes only as a result of the fear of Allah, while failure and loss only come as a result of following evil whims and desires.

O People!
Remember the beginning of your creation. Allah created you from a single person (Adam) from whom He created His mate and from both of them He made you into countless men and women. Allah, Exalted be He, says:

“O Humankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa’ (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women …” (An-Nisa’: 1)

Allah, Exalted be He, also says:
“… It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife [Hawwa’ (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her …” (Al-A‘raf: 189)

The ways of Allah, Exalted be He, regarding His creation as well as the Islamic Law require that a man wed a woman through the legal marriage contract in order to start a family and satisfy their instinct through lawful means, not through adultery or fornication. The path of marriage is the path of chastity, blessing, progress, purity, divine provision, sound hearts, and good offspring that will carry on purity after their parents. Conversely, the path of adultery leads to viciousness, unsound hearts, unfaithfulness of the man and the woman who commit it, humiliation associated with disobedience to Allah, worldly afflictions, withdrawal of divine blessings, imbalance of generations, and torment in the hereafter.

Abu-Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said regarding the amazing events that he saw on the Night Journey and his Ascension to heavens (Night of Isra’ and Mi‘raj):
… Then he came upon a group of people whose heads were smashed against rocks. Every time they were shattered, they would return to their former state. This was constantly repeated. He asked, “Who are these, O Jibril?” He said, “These are the people who are too lazy to perform the prescribed prayers.” Then he passed by a group of people but with rags over their front and back private parts. They were grazing like camels and cattle and eating poisonous thorny plants and from the horrible Zaqqum tree, as well as stones and rocks of Hellfire. He asked, “Who are these, O Jibril?” He replied, “They are the people who do not pay the zakat due on their wealth, and Allah has not wronged them in the least.” Then he came upon a group of people with cooked, wholesome meat in a pot as well as raw, rotting meat in another dirty pot. They were eating the raw meat and leaving the cooked, wholesome meat. He asked, “Who are these, O Jibril?” He replied, “These are men from your Ummah who have pure, lawful wives but go to impure, wicked women and spend the night with them until the morning. They are also women from your Ummah who have pure lawful husbands but go to impure, wicked men and spend the night with them until the morning.” (Reported by Ibn Jarir in his book Tafsir At-Tabari)

Sa‘d ibn Sinan al-Khudri, may Allah be pleased with him, also narrated that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said about his Night Journey and his Ascension to heavens:
… Then after a while, I saw tables with cooked, sliced meat on them which no one touched and other tables with rotten, putrid meat on them with some men eating from them. I asked, “O Jibril! Who are these?” He said, “These are people from your Ummah who leave the lawful [i.e. marriage] and choose the unlawful [i.e. committing illicit intercourse]. After a while, I came upon a group of people with bellies as large as houses. Every time they wanted to get up they would collapse, praying, “O Lord! Do not establish the Last Hour [i.e. the Day of Judgement].” They were on the path of the people of Pharaoh, who trod upon them so violently. I heard them beseeching Allah, Exalted be He, [to relieve them from this punishment]. Then I asked, “O Jibril!  Who are these?” He replied, “These are people from your Ummah who eat up usury (riba).” [The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, then recited the verse:] “… Those who eat Riba (usury) will not stand (on the Day of Resurrection) except like the standing of a person beaten by Shaitan (Satan) leading him to insanity …” (Al-Baqarah: 275). (Reported by al-Baihaqi in Dala’il an-Nubuwwah)

Matrimony provides the home in which the offspring are brought up and are provided with affection, care, and education and in which both the father and the mother prepare generations to shoulder the burdens of life, benefit society, and help develop it in every aspect. They also guide their children to every noble character trait, prevent them from every bad character trait, and teach them to do good in preparation for the hereafter and the eternal life. Children start learning from what is going on around them. They are naturally influenced by what they see and hear, as they cannot at this stage read history, draw lessons from it, or find role models in it to follow.

The marriage contract is a solemn covenant, a strong bond, and a solid union between the spouses. Allah, Exalted be He, says:
“But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one of them a Qintar (of gold i.e. a great amount) as Mahr, take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and (with) a manifest sin? And how could you take it (back) while you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant?” (An-Nisa’: 20-21)

Commentators on the Qur’an said that the phrase ‘strong covenant’ in this verse means ‘the marriage contract’.

This contract provides countless benefits for the spouses, the children, the spouses’ relatives, and for society as a whole, both in this world and the hereafter. Annulment of this contract, dissolution of this covenant, and ending the bond of union with divorce will definitely destroy all these merits and benefits. If divorce takes place, the husband will undergo great trials that will harm his religion, worldly affairs, and health. The wife will also be afflicted with trials far greater than those affecting the husband, will not be able to resume or restore her former life, and will live in sorrow, especially in these days where few people can understand her situation. The children will become homeless and will face a very tough life that is totally different from that they experienced when their parents were still together. They will lack all forms of happiness that would otherwise brighten their lives and will become prone to various kinds of deviation and vulnerable to different types of diseases. In addition, the ties of kinship will be severed and society will suffer the harmful effects of divorce. Indeed, the evils of divorce are too many to be counted.

To learn about the numerous evils and harmful effects of divorce at the private and public levels, let us contemplate the following hadith. Jabir ibn Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, Iblis (Satan) places his throne on the sea and sends his detachments. Those who cause the greatest mischief are the closest to him. One of the devils comes and says, “I have caused such-and-such sins.” Iblis says, “You have done nothing.” Then one devil comes and says, “I did not spare so-and-so until I separated between him and his wife.” Iblis then brings him nearer to him and says, “Yes! You are the right one indeed!” Then he embraces him. (Reported by Muslim)

Some people have attached little importance to divorce and taken it too lightly. In this way, they have suffered serious consequences and numerous evils and have caused others to suffer the same thing as well. Divorce has become very widespread today for frail reasons. Causes of divorce today are numerous, and the greatest of all of them is ignorance of the rulings of Islam regarding divorce and failure to observe the teachings in the Qur’an and the Sunnah. Indeed, the Islamic Law has paid great attention to the marriage contract and has surrounded it with a fence of protection so that it will not crack, collapse, and shake before the storms of evil whims and desires.

Divorce can be caused by the husband, by the wife, by both of them, or by some of their relatives, and the Shari‘ah has dealt with every case that could lead to divorce. Thus, Allah commands husbands in His Book to honour the marriage contract. Allah, Exalted be He, says:

“… But do not take them back to hurt them, and to treat them unjustly and whoever does that, then he has wronged himself. And treat not the Verses (Laws) of Allah as a jest …” (Al-Baqarah: 231)

He also says:
“… And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them …” (Al-Baqarah: 228)

Commenting on this verse, Qur’an interpreters say, “A woman has the same rights in relation to her husband as a man has in relation to his wife in terms of kind treatment, and the husband has a degree of responsibility over her.”

The husband ought to live honourably with his wife and treat her kindly. If he dislikes her for any reason, he must exercise patience, for she may become a better person or she may give him righteous children. He will also be rewarded for his patience. Allah, Exalted be He, says:

“… and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” (An-Nisa’: 19)

The husband and the wife should settle any differences between them in their beginnings so that they may not aggravate. Both spouses should know each other very well. This will help each of them do things that are pleasing to the other party and avoid anything the other party dislikes. This matter is easy and is known to everyone.

One of the ways of saving the marriage is through the intervention of righteous people to reconcile the spouses, so that each one of them may become aware of the rights to which they are entitled. Allah, Exalted be He, says:

“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things.” (An-Nisa’: 35)

Another means of maintaining marriage and enjoying the happiness it provides is through patience and tolerance. The bitterness associated with a little patience is soon replaced with long sweetness, and there is nothing with which to confront troubles better than patience. Allah, Exalted be He, says:

“… Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without reckoning.” (Az-Zumar: 10)

Tolerance and forgiveness not only adorn life and add joy, happiness, and beauty to it, but also help heal the wounds of the marital relationship. Tolerance and forgiveness are essential for life, particularly between the husband and the wife. Tolerance is indeed better for them when it comes to luxury matters or matters that can be delayed. Many husbands today have been burdened with the various demands of life and the task of meeting them, even though they may relate to luxury matters. Insistence on having all one’s rights fulfilled and failure to show tolerance regarding some of them will definitely create a feeling of loathing and hatred between the spouses.

The essence of marriage is cooperation and mercy. Allah, Exalted be He, says:
“O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children there are enemies for you (who may stop you from the obedience of Allah); therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (At-Taghabun: 14)

Enmity here means discouragement of doing good, failure to help one in doing it, or stopping one from doing it. Allah, Exalted be He, also says: “Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish (i.e. don’t punish them).” (Al-A‘raf: 199).

Among the factors that make marriage continue is the husband’s amendment of any improper conduct on the part of his wife, within the limits permitted by Islamic Law. Allah, Exalted be He, says:

“… Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance) …” (An-Nisa’: 34)

Judges should attempt to reconcile the couple when they consider their lawsuits in order to achieve agreement between them and avert divorce.

The duties of the husband towards his wife include dealing with her in an honourable way, securing her an appropriate house, providing her with money for life expenses and clothing, doing good to her, and abstaining from hurting or harming her.

The woman can be the cause of divorce if she is sharp-tongued, ill-mannered, or ignorant. In this case, she ought to set right her conduct, obey her husband, and exert effort to give her children good upbringing. Abdur-Rahman ibn ‘Auf, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If a woman performs her five daily prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her [on the Day of Judgement], ‘Enter Paradise from whatever gate you wish’” (Reported by Ahmad and classified as hadith hasan (good) by hadith scholars). A woman should serve her husband honourably, taking the female Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, as role models. How excellent it is for the wife to share with her husband his joys and sorrows and to help him in acts of obedience to Allah!

Divorce may also result from the interference of the relatives of one or both of the spouses in their life. Relatives should fear Allah and speak right words. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah curses whoever incites a woman against her husband or a husband against his wife.” A woman ought to fulfil the rights of her husband’s relatives, especially his parents. Similarly, the husband should fulfil the rights of his wife’s relatives. Indeed, failure to fulfil the relatives’ rights is among the common causes of divorce.

Divorce can also result from watching those satellite channel series which undermine ethics or visiting prohibited websites which spread immorality, and which are now available on mobile phones. Divorce may also take place if the wife goes out without her husband’s permission, which is unlawful. The husband decides whether to give his wife permission to go out, according to his discretion. If it is impossible for marriage to continue, then Allah has made divorce lawful. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Of all the lawful acts, the most detestable to Allah is divorce.” The husband, in this case, divorces his wife legally after careful consideration and deliberation, as Allah, Exalted be He, commands us when he says:

“O Prophet (peace and blessings be him)! When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘Iddah (prescribed periods) and count (accurately) their ‘Iddah (periods) …” (At-Talaq: 1)

Commentators on this verse said, “If the husband decided to divorce his wife, he should pronounce the statement of divorce only once during a period of purity (i.e. an interval between two menstrual periods), in which he does not have intercourse with her. If he wishes, he can take her back during ‘Iddah (i.e. the prescribed waiting period for a woman after divorce or after her husband’s death, after which she is allowed to marry). Otherwise, he should leave her until her ‘Iddah is over, in which case she will be out of his matrimonial authority.”

This way of divorce keeps alive the hope for the marriage to be resumed, even if it be with a new contract and a new mahr (dowry paid to the wife by the husband). Consider how the true religion highlights and safeguards the bond of marriage. In contrast, consider how divorce and its dire consequences are taken lightly nowadays. Allah, Exalted be He, says:

“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaitan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaitan (Satan), then, verily he commands Al-Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al-Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)] …” (An-Nur: 21)

May Allah bless you and me with the Great Qur’an and make us benefit from its verses and wise words and benefit from the guidance and right sayings of the Imam of all Messengers. I have said what you have heard and I ask forgiveness of Allah for myself and for you.