By Samana Siddiqui

How often is it that we see people, Muslim or not, uttering worse than the ‘Uff’ Allah orders us not to say in dealing with their aging parents? Keeping Islamic etiquette when it comes to our parents or seniors is hard in a culture that’s becoming increasingly rude. Below are five tips that can help:

1. Remember that the Elderly are people too: They aren’t cast offs, they are not burdens. They were once our age, young, with dreams, aspirations, in most cases families. They are individuals who have contributed to society by raising kids, working in a number of professions, and they were and can be productive now too. See them as people, who deserve respect.

2. Spend quality time with them: This means spending quality time with them, taking meals with them. We’re less likely to treat someone we consider a friend rudely than someone who we deem a stranger.

3. Take a break from care giving: If you’re one of the Muslims who, Alhamdulillah has taken on the task of caring for parents who are seniors, take a day off from the ‘job’. Give yourself a break by asking help from a relative who lives nearby or a friend. This will ease the pressure and stress, which can lead to a build-up in emotions, especially anger and frustration.

4. Give someone else a break from care giving: If you know of a brother or sister who is taking care of his/her parent(s), give them a break. Take their parents out for a day or just to your home for meals. Do what you can to ease the pressure. This can also benefit you if you never grew up around seniors. The experience can teach patience, kindness and you can even learn from seniors.

5. Be Patient: While this is easier said than done, it is necessary. While many of us tend to exercise patience with kids in the face of bad behaviour, this practice is often thrown out the window when it comes to our seniors. Think of them as children now too, part of the life cycle. They are frail physically as well as emotionally. There is so much emphasis on building the self-esteem of our kids, but we often see people tearing down the self-esteem of our elders. We can only truly stop this practice with patience.

And a special note should be made of long stories, which seniors are often fond of sharing. Instead of interrupting or expressing exasperation, perhaps take out a tape recorder, or better yet, write down the story being recounted. That way you will force yourself to listen, and you’ll have a great historical document once the narration is complete. (everymuslim)