Balancing Kinship and Purdah

June 21, 2013

It just seems that recently all around me I am hearing the same thing being spoken about. Somehow, everyone (sisters) seems to be looking for an answer with regards the important aspect of Purdah/wearing of the niqaab. It seems that some are finding it difficult on wearing the niqaab and maintaining segregation whilst others want segregation but experience resistance from either in-laws or their families. I am not a scholar in any way but just felt the need to share some advices from someone who has been in a similar position and can understand the dilemma that a woman faces and the way such a battle can cause such hostility.

Let us first and foremost look at what Shariah demands from us. What does our Rabb Allah Subhaanahu Wa Ta’ala and our beloved Nabi (salallahu alayhi wasallam) ask of us. In the Quraan we are told:” ‘And when ye ask of them (the wives of the Prophet Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) anything, ask it of them from behind a curtain. That is purer for your hearts and for their hearts.’ (Verse 53 Surah Ahzaab). There are many more Quraanic Aayaat and Ahaadeeth that apply to this issue.

The ones who are asking questions or are having problems with issues relating to the wearing of the Niqaab are often those who are already wearing the niqaab (Alhamdulillah) and understand the importance of this beautiful injunction of the Shariah. They wholeheartedly accept that every law and command of Allah Subhaanahu Wa Ta’ala is there to protect one and all.

Where the problem/hardship comes along is that others who are around us do not understand the whole concept of donning the niqaab. They view Purdah as merely the covering of the face along with the rest of the body. They assume that once a woman dons the niqaab she is now in “Purdah” and free to live life as she may have been doing before.

However the mere donning of the niqaab does not fully fulfil the obligation of Purdah. True Purdah is that we keep within our homes and only emerge out of necessity. Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur'aan “And remain within your homes and do not make an exhibition (of your selves) like the displays (of the immoral women) of former times of ignorance." (Verse 33, Surah Ahzaab). Here we are commanded by Allah Ta’ala that the best place for a woman is her home. And when a woman does need to go out then she should be keeping herself modest and away from men as much as she can.

So how much importance do we give to this command of Allah Ta’ala? Are we wearing the niqaab but still going to study in a mixed gender environment? Are we wearing the niqaab but still attending all weddings and immoral functions that are held today? Are we wearing the niqaab but still working alongside other men? I have no intention to insult or upset anyone but the truth of the matter is that we have all (myself included) steered very far away from what true Purdah for a woman is, i.e. that she stays away from men completely!

Hazrat Anas Ibn Malik (radiallahu anhu) says that the Holy Prophet (sallalahu alayhi wasallam) said, “Verily, there is a (special) morality of every religion. And the (special) morality of Islam is modesty."(Ibn Majah). We have also been advised in the Hadeeth that once you lose modesty, then do as you wish. May Allah Ta’ala enable us all to inculcate within ourselves the beautiful quality of true modesty which is a quality that both beautifies as well as protects a woman.

And when a woman wishes to follow the commands of Allah Ta’ala and stay away from weddings and immoral functions then she is frowned upon by her family and friends and is accused of not maintaining family ties or of “trying to be too strict”!!! Remember my sisters who are facing this dilemma, bring to mind that there is no obedience to the creation in the disobedience of our Creator Allah Ta’ala. Our first “worry” should be “Is my Allah Ta’ala pleased?” If we just keep this in mind when making a decision on whether we should attend a function or not, then immediately the answer is self evident.

People do not understand or do not want to understand that good family ties can only be established when the laws of Shariah are upheld. We fool ourselves into thinking that good and happy families with a strong bond of muhabbah can only be achieved when we all are able to sit together as a family and eat together as a whole family, i.e. brothers and sisters-in-law all eating together. We feel that by everyone getting together, sitting together and having a good laugh etc, then we are one big happy family. No, how can true happiness ever come our way when Allah Ta’ala’s laws are being violated? We are only fooling ourselves. There is absolutely no need for a woman to maintain any ties with a ghair mahram man. In fact we learn from the Hadeeth that the brother-in-law is like death for a woman. Her duty is to maintain good relations with the women folk of the household and by doing this she is fulfilling her duties of Silah Rahmi (keeping good family ties).

We cannot and should not give in to the unislamic expectations of those around us. Just ponder and reflect that we are answerable for our deeds and they are for theirs. No one is going to stand up for us when we are questioned by Allah Ta’ala.

What we should keep in mind is that any refusal of attending any unislamic function should be done with the best character being displayed. One should not present a harsh, proud or arrogant attitude. Rather, one should humble oneself and make effort to draw the next person into admiring this most beautiful institution of Purdah. What one can achieve through good character and kind words is amazing! Who knows, perhaps the family member or friend may be so affected by the polite manner in which one maintains one’s principle that she also begins to adopt Purdah.

Once a person makes a firm resolve not to attend, she must understand that criticism will come her way. Turn to Allah Ta’ala for help; cry out to Him to aid us when the criticism comes our way. Always maintain good character and make effort to show others that you are ever so willing to maintain family ties but not in a mixed environment. For example, the Ulema suggest that we visit the relatives whose functions we cannot attend prior to or after the function. Take a gift or something small. Share kind words with them and ask if you can help them in any way. Keep in mind that people will criticise and accuse us but focus on the fact that one is keeping Allah Ta’ala happy and nothing else matters. Just remember “You can’t please everyone”!!

Many of us find the criticism very difficult to handle, but reflect and realise that we are not here to please people, for whatever we do we will still not make others happy. Also from my own experience and that of others, remember if we are consistent in staying away from Haraam functions, then eventually people will leave us alone and in fact they will admire our commitment. Also, if we are mothers then aren’t we showing a beautiful example to our children? We are making the pathway for the children to practice on Deen easier Insha Allah by our small efforts.

Also reflect and ponder on what sacrifices the Sahabah (radiallahu anhuma) made for Deen. They sacrificed their lives and their families; they shed their blood and at times parted with their loved ones just so that Allah Ta’ala and His beloved Nabi (salallahu alayhi wasallam) were pleased. What little sacrifice are we making in comparison? Just staying away from a Haraam environment? Just putting up with a bit of criticism? Just missing out on a bit of fun?

A very good thing was said to me when I was once faced with alot of hostility and verbal abuse from family members and I could not believe the things that were being said about me and about Purdah and many of the things that were said were totally unislamic and against Shariah. At that time I spoke to an Alim and he said we should think that the Sahabah use to fight with their lives to protect the Sunnah and they valiantly fought so that Nabi (salallahu alayhi wasallam) would not get injured. By us taking all this verbal abuse, we should think that we are shielding our beloved Habib (salallahu alayhi wasallam) from these arrows of what they are saying against his beautiful Sunnah. How beautifully put!!!

I certainly do not advocate the breaking up family ties or the development of hostility, but my intention is purely to give little encouragement for those who want to strive in maintaining segregation and adopt true and pure Purdah. The two aims can be jointly achieved if the correct limits are maintained. Remember our akhlaq (good character) should be kept foremost in mind when we deal with others. As well as Akhlaq, remember that we should never be apologetic about the beautiful Laws of Allah Ta’ala; they are there for our protection. May Allah Ta’ala be pleased with us all and enable us to practice upon what has been written. Ameen

~ Submitted by Talabul Elm ~

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MAADHAH BINT ABBDULLAH ADWYAH:
She was a student of Aisha RA, the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam)'s wife. After her husband's death she vowed not to lie in bed When she would fall asleep she would wake herself up by going for a walk and say to herself, "I won't let you sleep, you will have the chance to sleep well when you are in the grave". It is said that once when she fell ill, the physician advised her to take nabiz (a non alcoholic fermented beverage prepared from malt and dates). She held the cup containing nabiz and said, "O Allah! You know that Aisha RA conveyed the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam)'s word, as he had prohibited consuming nabiz".

UMRAH BINT ABDUR RAHMAN (d. 103 AH)
Regarded as an authority of hadith and fiqh, she was the grand daughter of one of the famous companions, Asad ibn Zararah Ansari RA. The scholar, Imam Bukhari RA said that she was like the secretary for Aisha RA, the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam)'s wife,and that people who sent Aisha gifts/presents and letters, would send it through her. The scholar Ibn Hajr Askalani said that she was one of the scholars of the early Muslims as she was an authority on the hadith transmitted by Aisha RA. The scholar Ibn Hibban said she was the best person who had knowledge of the hadith of Aisha RA. The scholar, Imam Zahri said that when he wanted to learn hadith he would go to Umrah, saying that when he would meet her he found her in a 'deep sea of knowledge'. The chief Judge of Madinah, Umrah's nephew, was asked to collect hadiths with the following order from the Caliph (ruler) of their time, "Umrah's ahadith are to be despatched to the Caliph in black and white". The scholar, Imam Malik RA said that Umrah would CORRECT the mistakes her nephew, the Chief Judge of Madinah, would make. The scholar Imam Dhahabi classified her as a Jurist. She died aged 77.

AISHA BINT TALHA:
The grand daughter of Abu Bakr RA, and was taught by the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam)'s wife Aisha RA.Abu Zahra the early Muslim said, "Aisha was cited because of her authentic knowledge". Aisha was also graced with physical beauty. Once Caliph Hisham invited her to his court where she engaged dialogue with eminent scholars of different fields. The Caliph was so impressed with her knowledge that he gave her a gift of 100,000 dirhams.

HAFZAH BINT SIRIN (d. 101 AH)
The sister of the scholar Muhammad ibn Sirin, she had memorised the Quran by the age of 12, and by the age 14 she was well versed in the exegesis (explanation) of the Quranic verses. She became famous for her beautiful recitation of the Quran. Her recitation was of such a high standard that when her brother had difficulty with recitation he would ask her to correct him.

NUFAYSAH BINT HASAN (d. 208 AH)
Known for her committment to Islam, she would frequently fast, and it is reported that she performed hajj over 30 times. The scholar Imam Shafi, is said to have learned and been taught from her. Imam Shafi thought so much of her that he stated in his will that he wanted his funeral procession to pass by her home – and when it passed by her home she prayed the funeral prayer. She died during the month of Ramadan whilst reciting the Quran.

RIBAH QAYSI's WIFE
She was known for spending much of the night in prayer. In the early parts of the night she would begin to pray. She would wake her husband, but if he didnt wake up she would pray. Sometime later she would try again, but if he failed to wake, she would pray. And again, some time later she would try again. Sometimes she picked up straw from the ground and would say "By Allah, I regard the worldly vanities less than this". Occassionally she would dress in a shiny dress at night and ask her husband if he wanted her company (intimacy) in bed – the times he would say no, she would resort to prayer instead.

JAWHAR BRATHYAH:
A resident of Baghada, she was the slave of one of the Abbasid rulers, one day she was returning home and she heard a teacher at a nearby school teaching in an eloquent manner. In captivated, she stayed listening to him, then went to the grand mosque to listen to a scholar teach hadith. The encounter changed her such that when she returned home, she was a changed woman. She would spend her time constructively whilst others would mock her.One day when asked why she was so quiet she said, "I am a slave of Allah and it is incumberant upon me to obey His command" (she said this as they were speaking improperly, so to avoid putting herself in difficulty she remained silent not contributing to the bad talk). She was then asked, how she would explain her silence to the Caliph, to which she replied the same. When the Caliph heard this news, he set her free. She became a scholar of hadith, and later began teaching hadith. Once the Caliph sent her a gift of 10,000 dinars, she returned it saying, "Wealth brings pride and arrogance and so I do not need it".

RABIYAH KHATUN
The sister of the Muslim General Salahuddin al Ayubbi, she was well educated and established a great institution bfor religious learning near Damascus. She established a waqf (trust) in the form of an endownment of a very large property which met the expenses that were generated by the institution.

UKHTUL MAZNI
The sister of al-Mazni (the noted student of Imam Shafi), she was a highly placed scholar of Islamic Jurisprudence. It is said that because of her knowledge her opinions were highly respected including the difference of opinion she had with Imam Shafi regarding the zakat which was to be paid on minerals.

MULAYKAH BINT MUNKADAR
When Imam Malik ibn Dinar was making tawaf (circulation of the Kaba) he heard a woman saying "My Lord! Have mercy on me, I have come from a very distant place to Thy House. My Lord! I have come hopeful of Your favours and beneficience. Do not make me dependant on anyone but you". Having heard these words, the Imam and his companions asked her later in the day to speak to them some words of wisdom. He speech was persuassive and it left a strong and good opinion on them. After some time she asked them to leave her alone as her talking began interfering with her worship.

FATIMAH KHANUM
Seven centuries had passed since the Zubaydah canal which brought water to Makkah from outlying springs. Thepassage by now had reached a bad state of repair, with the wells and springs having dried up and the canal now being fullof sand/stoens. It was 965 AH (1557 AD) when a Turkish princess Fatimah, daughter of the Uthami ruler Sultan Salim came along. She took the task to rebuilt and redevelop the 'Zubaydah canal'. The rebuilding of the canal was extremely dificult ad involved Egyptian, Syrian and Yemeni engineers and masons. On their route, there was a large rock 50 feet wide and 2000 feet long which looked as if it was going to stop the efforts. The chief of the project lost his heart in fear of not being able to overcome it. Fatimah refused to accept that.In this timeperiod dynamite didnot exist, rather the only way to cut through such large rocks would be to heat them up with coal to high degrees and them to cut the stones with sharp tools. It took hundreds of workers, who burnt millions of tons of fuel. In 979 AH (1571 AD) the rock was conquered. Soon afterwards water again began to flow to Makkah on the repaired Zubaydah canal. The event was celebrated with a great feast/party which involved not only the everyday people but also the government officials. Due to her committment to rebuilding the canal,Fatimah was nicknamed 'Zubaydah Thani' (Zubaydah the second).

SHAD KHANUM
A descendant of the famous conqueror Amir Taymur, she was a master of calligraphy with no one else in her time being able to match her skills of calligraphy of the Quran. It was said that in 1045 AH, she sent a gift of the Quran written by her calligraphy to the then ruler, which he was most appreciate of.

THE SLAVE WOMEN WHO CONVERTED THE MAGUS FAMILY
One of the leading scholars said that a slave woman would come to him to ask him questions about shariah (islamic law). Some years later he saw a man selling her in the market saying she was worthless. He enquired and the man said that his family were Zorasterians, they bought her beauce of her beauty. They would worship the fire and light. Some days ago a Muslim went to their house and recited the some words. Hearing these words she started to cry. From then she reused to eat their (Zorasterian's) food and she began to pray (like a Muslim). They tried to prevernt her but they couldnt so she was worthless. The scholar asked the girl if she was the same girl he remembered from years ago, she replied in the affirmitive. The scholar then asked her what verses that man recited, she said, "Therefore flee unto Allah, Lo I am a pla warner to you from Him". Hearing these words she became restless and said that is the condition she was now in. The scholar then offered to complete the rest of the verse, and said, "Lo Allah! He is the one who gives livelihood, the Lord of the unbreakable might". Hearing this she said, 'The matter, which is guarnteed by Allah livelihood) must be left unworried for'. (Basically she put her trust in Allah knowing that Allah would provide for her if she did the right things). Hearing this trust in Allah, the scholar was amazed. The scholar asked what her price was and wanted to buy her. The man trying to inflate the price said his cousin wanted to buy her. The scholar couldnt match the price, so the man sold her to his cousin. Now the cousin, also a Zorasterian was determined to convert her back to his faith. He set about trying to find a way to reprimand her. He decided to give her a purse of money to keep and protect or him for some time, a bag full of dinars. She took the money and kept it with her in a safe place. Later the man, when she was praying went to her safe place and took the bag. His intention was that after prayer he would ask her where the bag was and she would not be able to find it, so he would criticise her faith and tell her that she has to come back to Zorastianism. After the prayer he asked her to fetch the bag. She went and she retrieved the bag.The man was in shock, how could she have given him the bag which he took while she was praying? He concluded that she had help from a divine authority. Upon this, he decided to accept Islam. Upon this, his family, relatives and friends also chose to accept Islam. The slave girlthen lived with them, not as a slave girl, as she was set free, and she was invited to live with them as a member of their family.

MOTHER OF IMAM BUKHARI:
Imam Bukhari left with his mother and his sister to gain knowledge at the age of 14. All of his provisions were provided for by his mother and his sister.

[Ref: 'Leading Ladies: who made a difference in the lives of others, approved by Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani, and Mufti Abdul Qadir, published by Idara Talifat e Ashrafia]

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