Fatima has been gone a couple of days, and waking up alone for suhoor is not as easy as I thought.

This morning I sat on my pink prayer mat and made dua for her as she had ensured that I was not alone on my journey to Islam. There were so many people I had met at the masjid who hid their newly found deen or had been shunned by their nearest and dearest. I related somewhat, as I was blessed that although my parents were not totally accepting, they still kept in touch.

It was difficult though, not having my mother to turn to for those “girl talks” or to my father when I needed that extra dose of confidence or just made to feel that there was no other daughter as good as me. Fatima filled the emptiness, but it wasn’t always the same. I did appreciate her though. My family may not understand my journey or the peace I had found in the simple acts of worship or the beauty of the teachings.

I didn’t fool myself about this being a difficult and arduous journey but having done the research, heard many sad and emotional tales from fellow new Muslims, I felt that I had made the right decision, and I was willing to stay the course, no matter what. Fatima had made it crystal clear – Islam is a way of life that we adopt and then follow. It is simple and every rule is well-thought-out and only for our benefit.

That in no way meant that I had no questions. In fact, I had numerous and with Fatima uncertain about her return, I decided to enrol into an online madrassa to gain further knowledge.

Today was unusually difficult as I found myself feeling lonely, and suddenly I missed my past life. It was so easy to revert to my old ways, given the chance.

“Allah is most compassionate and most merciful”, were the very words that had started my journey to Islam, the first thing I was taught by Fatima and the very words that during an ebb in my eemaan, I would find comfort from. Some days though were a tug-of-war between succumbing to the old ways and holding fast to the rope of Allah.

It is natural for eemaan to go through an ebb and flow, for every Muslim but turning to Allah when we hit the lows will be salvation in sha Allah. He understands and calls us to Him, especially when we feel fear or uncertainty.

Algamdoelillah, technology affords us to reach out to people we can trust and who will support, encourage and guide. Allah, surely, blessed me with such people, who enter my life when I need them most.

Allah is As Salaamu and when we seek him, during Qiyam-ul-Layl or the Asr prayer, whether at our lowest and darkest moments or when the rays of sunlight are shining upon us, He is there to forgive me, guide me, listen to me and love me.

“And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed [i.e., difficult] life, and We will gather [i.e., raise] him on the Day of Resurrection blind.” (Surah Taha – verse 124)