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Dealing With Disappointment – Focus on the Important Things

October 14, 2020

3. Focus on the Important Things.
If there is a moment, an encounter, or a situation that has happened and is upsetting you, yet it really has no greater impact on your priorities and values in life, try to not allow it to take up too much of your time and thought. Do what you can to deal with it in the way that is best aligned with the highest moral character, and then move on. With time, this will get easier. At the end of the day, you can’t ‘fix’ everything. You can’t be everyone’s best friend. And you can’t please everyone. Basically if what you’re doing is pleasing to the Creator, then worry less about the creation.

Nabi S.A.W. mentions in a Hadith…

لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق
“There is no obedience to creation when the Creator is disobeyed.”
However, before making an effort to focus on the important things in order to avoid unnecessary disappointment, it is important to learn how to get past the minor disappointments in life. Here are a few ways…

Face the truth of the situation
Denying the reality of a bad situation, or avoiding thinking about it at all, makes it worse—or keeps you stuck when you could be working on solving the problem. Awareness is the first step to change. Be willing to face the problem, but don’t dwell on it 24 hours a day. This will just make you feel worse. Think about it enough to understand what you feel and the best way to respond, then focus on something more positive. Research suggests that avoiding thinking about or dealing with problems actually creates more stressors, a phenomenon known as “stress generation.” For example, if you don’t open the envelopes that contain your bills, you will end up getting calls from collection agencies.

Don’t get stuck feeling like a victim
Whatever your situation, you always have choices and skills to deal with it. Think about other situations you coped with successfully and how you might apply the same skills to this situation. If you’re being mistreated, speak up or walk away. If you can’t walk away right now, work on becoming more independent or finding other opportunities.

Be willing to try a different approach
If what you are doing isn’t working, you may need to do something different. To succeed as an entrepreneur, you may need to improve your product or service, your marketing strategy, or your interpersonal skills. If there is no market for your services, you may have to reinvent yourself. If you aren’t meeting the right type of friends, you may have to try doing different activities or going to different places. Getting what you want often means moving out of your comfort zone and tolerating loss, risk, and uncertainty.

The bottom line is that disappointment, like anger, cannot be avoided. The challenge is not to avoid it, the challenge is to control it. By adopting the above-mentioned tips, we will, inshaAllah, be able to move quickly past the minor disappointments that don’t deserve our stress and worry.

 

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