Date: 24 July 2016 
Presenter: Ml Sajjad Timol 
Guests: Mufti Ismail Bassa; Sister Aneesa Moosa 

Grief is an emotion and a reaction to a trying situation that most of us will experience at some time in our lives. This week’s panel discussion, hosted by Ml Sajjad, focused on grief and how to deal with it.

Mufti Ismail opened the discussion by speaking about the fact that grief is a natural reaction to a trying situation. Allah SWT tests us with different trials to see how much we have recognised Him. Man is required to seek Allah’s help through patience and Salaah. According to one Hadith, a person who has been given 3 things has been given the best of both the worlds: being happy with the decision of Allah, being patient in trials and tribulations, and making Dua in times of ease and comfort. Moderation must be practised in all aspects of Deen and grief is no exception. Even in situations of extreme calamity, it is not befitting of a believer to portray extreme emotions or actions. Mufti Ismail mentioned that no difficulty a person experiences goes without reward from Allah SWT. If Allah SWT desires good for a person, He will put him or her through some sort of difficulty because this is a means of getting closer to Allah. Great rewards are granted to those who experience great difficulties, provided they bear it with patience. As Muslims, we believe that every occurrence is predestined by Allah SWT and not within our control; therefore every test we are put through should strengthen our Imaan. Mufti Ismail described the term Sabr as bearing calamities with ease and facing calamities with composure. Sabr should be made or practised immediately when a person is faced with an affliction. A person should not continuously focus on their grief because this will distance him or her from being good and acknowledging the other blessings of Allah SWT upon him. Islam teaches us different ways of dealing with grief: Taleem at home is one of the ways of imbibing the strength and ability to do good actions, and thus inculcating a positive attitude. Taking the name of Allah and reading the relative Duas also help in dealing with grief.

Sister Aneesa, a social worker, gave an overview of what grief entails; it is not just sadness and depression, it also includes anxiety, anger, fear of the unknown, guilt, helplessness and confusion. Grief is a process and the time taken to recover from it depends on the individual. Allowing oneself to let go and leaving a situation in the hands of Allah SWT, knowing that He has ordained it and trusting in Him, is the first step to dealing with grief. You have no control over the situation leading up to your grief but you can control your response to it. Any major changes to one’s life can lead to grief. There are different ways of dealing with grief – different people find changes in their eating, sleeping and social patterns. There may be financial, physical, and lifestyle changes. A person’s mental, emotional and spiritual reaction to change are also deciding factors in how he or she deals with their grief. Severe trauma is different from grief. There are 5 phases of grief that a person experiences – Disbelief, shock and denial is the first phase, the second is anger, the third is bargaining, the fourth is depression and the last phase is acceptance, not to be confused with resignation. You cannot attach a time frame to grief so different people will go through the phases at their own pace. Sister Aneesa described how different people respond to grief differently; each person has a different coping mechanism and a different level of resilience. Dealing with grief also depends on the circumstances, the impact and the intensity of the situation. People with strong support structures are more able to deal with grief than those who have nobody to rely on. Family and friends need to be considerate and sensitive towards those dealing with grief. If you can’t find the right words of comfort for the person who is grieving, rather say nothing at all, instead try to help them out in other ways and just be there for them. Sister Aneesa explained some effective ways of taking one’s mind off one’s grief. Acceptance is the most practical way of dealing with grief, as is being positive. Sometimes a person needs to acknowledge and feel their grief in order to accept it. People also need to change their mind-set and show gratitude to Allah for whatever goodness still remains in their lives.

Sister Aneesa concluded the discussion by speaking about the choice we make to accept a situation that leads to grief. We need to look at the positive lessons that we can take out of a calamity and move forward. Take care of yourself in times of grief.

Listen to the full discussion here: http://www.radioislam.org.za/index.php/podcast/95-panel-discussions/19044-how-to-deal-with-grief.html