Guest contributor | 2015.10.01 | 16 Dhul Hijjah 1436 AH

Eid is a difficult time for those in grief. The past months have been marred with many a sudden passing. We usually hear of these things happening to “someone else.” As we celebrate Eidul Adha and culminate the Hajj, the thought of absent loved ones makes us grieve harder. Guest contributor, Saajeda Padia Bayat offers comfort and advice to those in pain.

To persevere and have patience at the time of calamity might seem like a mammoth task at times, but reward is indeed very high. A mother will never see her child again, a brother will never see his wife smile again, a child will grow up never knowing his parent. It is all too painful to contemplate.

Almighty Allah only tests those He loves. As the pain intensifies, know that Almighty Allah knows you better than you know yourself and He knows how much you can handle and the breaking point.

Don’t ask “Why?”

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) who was the most beloved to Allah Ta’ala went through undue pain including losing 5 of his children. Nabi (S.A.W) wept and his blessed face was wet with tears, but never in his grief did he utter words against Allah the Almighty. We should abstain from even asking “why” and bear in mind that death is a cup from which we will all drink. Today was their turn: tomorrow, ours. We should ask ourselves, have we left a legacy where people will weep for us, or will our death be a means of joy and riddance to those whom we have left behind?

When Nabi Muhammad (saw) lost his beloved son Ibrahim, he held his small body in his arms and said, “The eyes send their tears and the heart is saddened, but we do not say anything except that which pleases our Lord. Indeed, O Ibrahim, we are bereaved by your departure from us.” Then he turned his face towards the mountain before him and said, “O mountain! If you were as sorrowful as I am, you would certainly crumble into pieces! But we say what Allah has ordered us: (We are the servants of Allah and we will return to Him; we thank Allah, the Creator of the Universe).”

Such a great man, our master, greatest from every creation, was tested like this!

The human heart is just a small, fragile piece of flesh – but with patience, it is able to carry the kind of pain that would cause a mountain to disintegrate.

We all grieve differently

Some people don’t like to talk about the dead because it’s too painful. Give them their space. We all grieve differently. Make a habit to recite daily for one’s loved one’s and the marhoomeen daily. Esaale-sawaab is something the dead all look forward to. Thus make it a habit to recite daily and whenever the thought of them passes through your mind recite 3 times Surah Ikhlaas which is equal to reciting the Noble Qur’an once.

Patience is like a live fish in your hands

Patience only comes with great struggle and difficulty. It is like trying to grasp and hold onto a strong and fast-swimming fish with your bare hands. You may succeed for a moment or two, but if you are not vigilant, it will escape from grip just as quickly as it came.

Patience doesn’t mean to just ‘wait out’ the pain. It doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand until the storm has ended and you can be sure safely re-emerge into life.

And patience isn’t peaceful – at least not at first.

True patience is like stepping onto shards of glass and muffling your screams. As you sit and remove the pieces from your skin, tears stinging at your eyes from the pain, you smile and do not say a word.

Patience is like being lit on fire from within, a fire that feels as though it will consume you. And yet you keep walking forward calmly, extending your hand to take cool drinks from those who offer them in order to quell the flame.

Patience is like treading water in violent seas after your boat has capsized – you are exhausted, but if you stop trying for a moment, you will drown.

“Say, ‘O My servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allah is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account'” Al Quran (39:10).

Part of Allah’s Mercy is that some of the believers who have been tried greatly in this world and who have remained patient will meet Him without any sins in their records at all.

Patience isn’t to not feel, or to be unaffected by pain or loss. It isn’t so, and it has never been. It is to feel as though you are going to be crushed by the grief; it is to feel as though the fire of pain will consume your body – it is to feel that you will drown in your sorrow. And yet you wake up in the morning and do what needs to be done to take care of yourself and your family. You pray, you work, you live, and you don’t say except that which pleases Allah.

Praise and thanks belong to Allah. To Him we belong and to Him we shall return. There is no power or might except that of Allah. Allah is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us. We have placed our trust in Allah.

Patience will extinguish the fire, lift the weighty burden, and lead you to dry land. Not because you have been exceptionally good or are intrinsically worthy of being healed. Rather, it is because Allah (swt) has promised: “With difficulty, there is Ease.”

And Allah (swt) never breaks this promise to those who honour the covenant.