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Behind every successful youth are Parents

June 03, 2012
 
In today’s times we have problem children, and we also have problem parents. Before we label our son or daughter as problematic, just consider whether we, too, are not part of the problem. Every father and mother should harken to these words. A child’s behaviour is, more often than not, a reflection of the parents’ treatment of it.

When a father complained about his son to Ameerul-Mumineen Umar RA, then instead of reprimanding the son the Caliph began questioning the father whether he had fulfilled his role as a father.

“What you sow shall you reap” is an idiom very apt to a parent / child relationship. There are of course, exceptions to the general rule, but quite often parents are to blame for their child’s erratic behaviour. When parents do not give love to their daughter, she might seek it (and find it) in a boy outside the home. When parents treat the son with disdain and harshness, they distance him from themselves. The result is lack of obedience. When parents fail to acknowledge their child’s achievements, they break its morale. When parents only know the child’s faults but do not provide solutions, then they become part of the problem instead of the solution.

Parents need to support their children through thick and thin. Always shower them with words of encouragement, instead of finding fault in every little thing they do. When your son or daughter errs, point out the fault with wisdom, tact, and decency. Then proceed to provide a solution.

At times overlook a child’s naughtiness, and reprimand it on another occasion. Your child is what you make of it. Your attitude and behaviour will either create the monster you cannot handle, or the angel that does you proud. A child’s success is the making of his or her parents. By success we do not mean passing matric with 10 ‘a’s, or achieving a university degree. Success in this context means the child’s morality, character, and mental stability. Schools and universities cannot give this to your child. It is you as a mother and father, who can motive your son or daughter to this distinctive achievement.

I leave all parents with the following astounding statement from the World’s Expert on human psychology, Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alyhi Wa Sallam:

"Four things are among the signs of a man’s nobility: 1) A virtuous wife. 2) Noble children. 3) Righteous friends. 4) A livelihood in his hometown. (Narrated by Imam Suyooti (RA with references in his hadith anthology, Jam’ul Jawaami’)

~ AL-Farouq Vol 4 ~

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The Youth today

 
By Abdullah Mfeka (Soweto)

The extent of the moral decay in our society is underpinned by several factors; all of them, if channelled correctly can yield an embitterment of the overall situation.

Parents have a big role to play in their children's lives, eventually improving theirs, and perpetuating continuance of accountability at large. Islamic  values have got to be instilled when the kids are still young, discipline enforced and motivation manifested continually.  If, as is often the case, the youth are rebellious, such behaviour must be scrutinized as to where the source lies and severely discouraged. For instance in some cases, you find situations in our communities (Soweto)   where parents would knowingly harbour criminal proceeds acquired by their children on their behalf with the understanding that they are making ends meet and improving the family's levity. Inadvertently, this is used by the delinquent youth as a form of blackmail when the parents start condemning them and leads to the general disrespect meted out by youth to the same parents.  All parents are blessed with an ability to be able to influence the lives of their youth positively, by taking up mentoring roles or serving as role models in their lives, and sometimes unpopular stances against their kids for the merit of accountability.  All negative behaviour that is suspected must be decried by all means and alternatives provided.

The youth as well, must take ownership of their lives by constantly seeking to develop themselves, with Islamic teachings, intellectually, academically, economically and so forth.  Compared to the young life of their parents, there are now a lot more opportunity that can be seized and converted to work for them.

The youth have access to the Ulamahs and there are positive Islamic print, audio, visual and interactive programmings where they can draw a lot in terms of Islamic knowledge and reference. Each and everyone of us is a custodian of their lives from the age where wrong from right is distinguishable and the Islamic values instilled in them must be carried forward to their siblings and peers, people who may have a huge impact on them or vice versa, since they identify easily with each other.  Islam emphasis must be placed on the communal importance, Islamic culture and the lessons learned from history of our predecessors as they enjoy leading their lives.  The heavy challenges faced by the youth today such as Drugs, Nakedness,   HIV, Violent Crime etc. are all surmountable if all are committed to the constant embitterment of their lives through constant development.  Negative programming must be discarded of.

The youth have to identify positive role models and want to emulate them. We have our Prophet Muhammad (saw). We need not to borrow from a civilization. We have got the best of teachings in Islam.   The youth must peruse of all the access they have to the amount of Islam knowledge capital available today available in varied forms. The youth have to cultivate better, sustainable relationships with their parents, Ulamahs, siblings, peers and the general community at large.

Islam teaches us that if you follow the Nation then you are one of them and on the day of Judgment you will be raised with them.

May Allah give hidayah and Iman to all of the Ummah of our Nabe Muhammad (saw). Ameen

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